So I rented Face/Off

From an acting perspective the movie is kind of interesting

Since Travolta and Cage switch roles halfway through the film

So you get to see Cage trying to play Travolta while Travolta apes Cage's delivery

I wonder how much work they did together during shooting to come up with a cohesive set of characters so that when they swapped roles it would at least be believable in the context of the film

Actually I don't really wonder that at all

Because when the movie started and I saw Nick Cage with a mustache I instantly reached nirvana


I found the only question I am now capable of asking

Is why doesn't Cage have this mustache in EVERY scene

In EVERY movie

EVER

Although to be fair it didn't end up detracting from his performance


In fact after it's only after he loses the mustache that Cage graces the audience with what is unequivocally

The most fantastic hostage execution ever

The Bottom of this Beyblade is its most valuable part

Holy SHIT

They're tops

TOPS

This is like someone writing a POG strategy guide

Complete with advice on POG technique

It's like that time I was at the drugstore and had my mind BLOWN by the existence of SPINZ

And that was before I saw the article on the subject

But guys

GUYS

"That is all I need for about 35.00 Dollars maybe because im getting some from japan I dont want to spend all my money there."

The best part of course is the first response

"if u want all of them for $35 ur goin to have a hard time. Uriel and Gabriel alone cost that much"

We live in a world

Where the exchange rate

Of the US dollar

To the Bayblade

Is SEVENTEEN-POINT-FIVE TO ONE



BEYBLADES

第81回仮装大賞準優勝作品【スーパーマリオ】

You may recall my in depth analysis of the relative merits of the scientific study of libraries and the man behind the second greatest live action rendition of Mario in history from a few days ago

It has been brought to my attention that this masterful piece of scholarship has garnered a response

And

I'm going to level with you

I remain

Unconvinced

Now I have to admit that calling me out on being secretly infatuated with Library Science but lacking the nerve to ask her to the 8th grade dance is a pretty valid point

And honestly

It wouldn't be so bad

If I could just ask her in person

But I am a pretty loud guy

And Library Science gets spooked by anything above a low whisper

Which limits my options of communication severely

Because have you ever tried contacting Library Science

With anything of an order remotely more advanced than a 19th century telegraph

It is borderline fucking impossible

She doesn't understand how cell phones work

Or the internet

It's like she is trapped in the past

Which to be fair is part of why I am all up ons

Being perpetually stuck in the 20th century myself

It kind of makes me wish she'd take a page

From the book of Captain Lou



Because paying a buck fifty for the first minute

And thirty-five cents for every additional minute

For a chance to be RANDOMLY selected

To have a LIVE conversation with Library Science

Would probably save me like several thousand dollars

In the money equivalent of the time I've spent

Trying to ask this flighty field of study out

Captain Lou Albano > Library Science

Yeah

I went there









Welp

Not enough words

Okay

I don't know what this is

Or where it came from

But

BLAM



From the guitar overlay to the x-treme announcer's ridiculous narrative puns to the fucking BLAM CAM

Sombody call the BLAMBULANCE



It's just

It's just fucking beautiful

Watch out for that BLAMERANG



So take note people

Because this

This



Is ART

Because when I hear Kiss from a Rose, the first thing I think of is BATMAN FOREVER

And now

SO WILL YOU



Note: This is the OFFICIAL music video

Sometime in 1995, Joel Schumacher and Seal took a look at this final cut and said to themselves

YES

THIS IS IT

THIS WILL BE

OUR MAGNUM OPUS

Dude straight up PUNTS a vibrator

Okay

So Skeletor is chasing He-Man in his badass rocket hoverjet while He-Man is fleeing like a punkass bitch in what might possibly be the most impractical land vehicle in this history of conveyance

So of course Skeletor rolls that chump like it's nothing

Lands all cool like and swaggers over to He-Man's now shattered ride all excited and shit

Dude's practically jumping out of his bone overalls at having finally caught He-Man in a raw situation

Armed with what looks like some kind of outrageous metallic sex toy

All brandishing it at He-Man like HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET ROCK HARD MY MUSCLEBOUND MANFOE

And then

All of a sudden

The greatest sequence in the history of Eternia takes place (skip to 2:17)

Somtimes

Sometimes you just gotta post some motherfucking Skeletor

The Most Important Post You May Ever Read Really

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