So I watched Another

Spoilers

It sucked

But of course I can't just say it was shit and move on to bigger and better things

No

That wouldn't be anywhere NEAR up to the standards of though provoking well reasoned analysis you have no doubt come to expect from this blog

So allow me

Dear reader

To set the scene

Imagine

For a moment

That you are in a spooky deserted hospital

It's midnight

Or some shit

Whatever

Point is it's fucking dark on whatever the hell basement level floor you are for some reason frequenting

Why are you there

You might ask

Because

Dear reader

You are

An idiot

This idiot specifically

Anyway

You've just entered an empty elevator

The doors close

The lights flicker

And then

You turn around

And there

Standing behind you

Is

I'm back bitches

See title

Include only fucks

Unsent email theater

Basically

I just need some fucking information man

Otherwise I gotta fill in the blanks all by myself

And you know how mad libs go

Shit never ends up following the story they had in mind when they wrote it

Like

You never want to actually explain anything to anybody because explaining shit is too much of a hassle for you

Well not assuming shit based my own frame of reference is too much of a hassle for me

People make assumptions because the world is fucking filled with unknowns and leaps of logic and shit that requires immediate response

We have a highly evolved survival mechanism in our brains that is literally based around being able to jump to conclusions

Saying people need to stop assuming is like saying people need to stop being afraid of things they feel threatened by

You don't want people to make assumptions

You gotta fill in

The fucking blanks

So I rented Face/Off

From an acting perspective the movie is kind of interesting

Since Travolta and Cage switch roles halfway through the film

So you get to see Cage trying to play Travolta while Travolta apes Cage's delivery

I wonder how much work they did together during shooting to come up with a cohesive set of characters so that when they swapped roles it would at least be believable in the context of the film

Actually I don't really wonder that at all

Because when the movie started and I saw Nick Cage with a mustache I instantly reached nirvana


I found the only question I am now capable of asking

Is why doesn't Cage have this mustache in EVERY scene

In EVERY movie

EVER

Although to be fair it didn't end up detracting from his performance


In fact after it's only after he loses the mustache that Cage graces the audience with what is unequivocally

The most fantastic hostage execution ever

The Bottom of this Beyblade is its most valuable part

Holy SHIT

They're tops

TOPS

This is like someone writing a POG strategy guide

Complete with advice on POG technique

It's like that time I was at the drugstore and had my mind BLOWN by the existence of SPINZ

And that was before I saw the article on the subject

But guys

GUYS

"That is all I need for about 35.00 Dollars maybe because im getting some from japan I dont want to spend all my money there."

The best part of course is the first response

"if u want all of them for $35 ur goin to have a hard time. Uriel and Gabriel alone cost that much"

We live in a world

Where the exchange rate

Of the US dollar

To the Bayblade

Is SEVENTEEN-POINT-FIVE TO ONE



BEYBLADES

The William

I'd also like to bring it to the attention of those concerned

That I am not someone in the habit of backing down from a challenge

So I have decided

On reflection

Not to stop with just a single reply

Notching the dial

Of this internet exchange up a twist

Will be much more satisfying

Basically I am increasing my update speed to a degree unheard of on this blog in the hopes that the sheer volume of awesomeness drowns my opponent in a deluge of biblical postportions

I suppose you may be wondering how I plan to increase my blogging output by such a ridiculous degree while maintaining the high standard of content with which this blog has become synonymous

To this I reply

Content

Have you been reading this blog at all

Everybody best check themselves because oh snap

Shit just got REAL